Young men

So,
I had a list. I've met young men that fit my list. Most live in other countries. I met a young man in the U.S. that fit my list.
There's a problem.
He is boring. Dull, Doorknob boring. But he thinks he has me in his back pocket. The ass.
I met a guy. He fit my list. He didn't have the confidence to approach me. He went back to his country. We started writing letters. I fell for him. He's still in another country.
I picked myself up and said "forget it."
I moved on.
We started talking again.
He still fits my list.
He makes me laugh.
He's GI. Geographically Inconvenient.
He says he'll visit me.
Go figure.

Boring young man told me that if I was lacking young men, he would visit me.
I told him "Don't worry. I'm not lacking in that department at all." I thought, "You're an idiot if you think I'm going to wait around for you. You're boring. Sure you're taller than me, smart, handsome and in shape but damn...conversations with you make me want to shoot myself."

School is starting up again.
There will be exchange students. I bet they'll fit my list.
Life goes on.

God Damn It.

Today was registration day. I ventured back into the high school and saw all of those people I left behind the year before. I had to put up with questions like, "you were in....taiwan...right?"
Or "You're back?"

Life continues. I try to readjust, make new friends in different social circles an expand my interests. The new focus is Cuban salsa. I go to Tuesday night classes and Thursday night practices. I'm becoming friends with young men much older than myself. I'm honest with them. I tell them I'm in high school. They know I'm off limits.

I consistently get prank calls that after the first ring become dial tones. I wonder sometimes whether it's just my imagination that anyone is calling at all.

I called Emma today. Emma was in Nakhon Phanom with me and she's now become one of my closest friends. She was out of her house but her mother answered. We talked for a little bit about readjusting. When we hung up I felt like I couldn't breathe. Normally I'm fine when it comes to talking about Thailand but having to go back into my high school and acknowledge that I'm no longer an exchange student has had its effect.

All I could think was "God damn it! I'm not supposed to be here!" I spun round and round trying to get out all my frustration and anger at my inability to let go of the past and move forward. "God damn it! God Damn it! God Damn IT!"

And there it was. I'm not in Thailand any longer. I'm here.... I'm here.

Starting over

I was abroad for a year in Thailand. I worked, played, ate and slept there for a year. I loved the heat, the humidity, the food and the people. I made friends and created the biggest family I've ever had.
Now I'm back in my home town and am returning to my senior year of high school. I invite you to follow my journey back into the american normality.